This Is Not A Joke

This is not a joke

   A German and an American are sharing a bunk at a hostel in Southeast Asia. German guy says “wow, Harper Lee died, To Kill a Mockingbird, 89.” The American goes “woah, creepy, she just put out her second book, right?” German guy goes ” yes, 89, To Kill a Mockingbird 61 years ago, 1956.” The American goes “crazy.” The German guy says “she died unexpectedly in her sleep.” The American yawns deeply and goes “oh yea?” The German guy says “Harper Lee was fulle of life right up to her passing, many are saddund by deese neause.” The American is snoring. German guy pulls out an original 1956 copy of To Kill a Mockingbird from his back pocket and says “‘When he was nearly thirteen, my broether Jem got his arm badly broken at de elbow. When it healt and Jem’s fears of never being able…” The American wakes up sweating in the morning after a series of vivid dreams, where he was being tried in a Thai court of law for brushing a lady-boy’s hair with too much gusto and passion for a foreigner. German guy says with tears streaming down his face “He woult be there all night, and he woult be there when Jem waked up in the morning.'” The American goes “phew, so how bout some breakfast?”

 ​ A South Korean, a Russian, and an Englishman are sitting around a sidewalk table at a Mexican restaurant in Southeast Asia. Russian guy says “do they have the oil in North Korea?” English guy goes “don’t know, but we got drinks here, don’t we.” They all burst out laughing and clink their glasses together. A Thai lady selling flowers walks up to their table and holds out a bundle of flowers, English guy says “whas that? Flowers?” Russian guy simply says “no.” The South Korean guy is giddy with anticipation. English guy goes “tell ya wha, maybe come back leightuh when we’re good and drunk, and maybe we’ll buy some flowers.” They all burst out laughing and clink their glasses together. The Thai lady walks away as the laughter dies down. The South Korean guy smiles and says “alcohol,” and they all burst out laughing and clink their glasses together.

 ​ A group of young backpackers from Europe, Australia, and America lounge out in the common area of a hip hostel in Southeast Asia. The European says “have any of you been to the elephant sanctuary? A little expensive, but really worth it, such beautiful animals, this such a beautiful country.” The American says “yea, we have, so cool, so beautiful. Have you taken a cooking class yet? They’re a little expensive, but sooo worth it, I love the food here, so good.” The Australian says “have you been to the night markets yet? The food is so cheap there and soupah delicious.” The American says “oh yea, of course, everything’s sooooo cheap here, it’s sooooo great, not like back home. How long have y’all been traveling for?” The Australian says “8 months so far, but we’re gonna do another 23 months between here, and India, and South America.” The American says “oh wow cool, that’s amazing, we’re only doing a year in Southeast Asia.” The European says “we’ve actually been here for 25 years, yea, we were born and just started hopping about Laos, and Cambodia, and Myanmar and such. We figured it’s so cheap we could just stay for our entire lives, yea.” The Australian says “fair play” or something like that. The American says “wow, amaaaazing.” The European says “yea, it’s been cool… I hope you all have been haggling with tuk-tuk drivers and the like, because they will rip you off if you don’t.” The Australian goes “yea, o’course.” The American says “yea we heard they do that with tourists.” The European says “as soon as they see you’re a foreigner they want to rip you off, be careful, they’ll try and get an extra 5 Euros or more off of you, they don’t care.” The Australian goes “fucked up mate,” or something like that. The American says “yea, really.” The Thai person who works at the hostel walks by, and they all get excited and yell out different, mispronounced versions of “sawatdee.” The soft spoken Thai worker brings his hands close to his face in prayer and says “sawatdee kaaa, hello.” They all cheer and applaud wildly. They take tons of pictures with the Thai worker and post the pictures to social media. “Making new friends in Thailand,” the captions say. “Just chillin with some locals,” the captions say.

​ An old rich white man and a young beautiful Thai woman are having drinks together at a wooden beachside bar in Southeast Asia. The old rich white man makes joke after joke, and laughs loudly after each punchline. The young beautiful Thai woman has yet to understand a word the old rich white man has said. She laughs uncomfortably every time she sees him keel over in amusement. The old rich white man buys her drinks and tells jokes for the remainder of the day and the rest of his vacation, and they get married. The old rich white man opens up an “Authentic Thai and Western Restaurant” in his new wife’s hometown, and tells her to be the Authentic Thai portion of his restaurant. The restaurant does well with tourists, and the old rich white man crushes all of his Thai competitors. He now drinks for free while making joke after joke. 

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